Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
