Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize