He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
