My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
