If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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