Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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