Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
