you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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