My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
