FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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