got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
