I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
