I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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