My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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