Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
