I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
