Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
