We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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