I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
