I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
