somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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