Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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