Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
