and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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