I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my poor anus
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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