You're my little dorito
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So many bounce houses so little time
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
