you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I love black thongs
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
