im six kinds of drunk right now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
