I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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