I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
