turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
