do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
