I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
