PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
