I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize