How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
