dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
