to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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