I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
