so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
