She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
