You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fuck appropriateness.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
