so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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