Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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