Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
