i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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