I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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