just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
