So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
