I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
