no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
