It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
