Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
