the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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