Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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