i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
