she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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