i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
