I am puke
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
