I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
