Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
