God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
