Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
