I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
