if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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