I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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