I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
