If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
