addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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