Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
