Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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