Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
