Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
