Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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