now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think i have two assholes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
