if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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