so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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