the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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