Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
